Chapter Five: Bad Times/Good Times

It was a rocky relationship. I had a lot of character flaws to overcome and she had the baggage of two failed marriages to carry around with her. We got engaged and bought rings for both her and myself. Then we got into a fight and I ended up flushing the rings down the toilet. It was just the kind of thing I'd do. I'd never raise a hand to her. A few times I got so angry I'd start to bash my head into a wall. That would usually break up the fight. Eventually our relationship mellowed out, and whatever flaws in the both of us that we couldn't overcome we'd just learn to accept. We never did officially get married. Ours was a marriage by trial and fire. Years later I'd realize that we had developed a dependent/co-dependent relationship. She was always the strong one. In some ways I was just along for the ride having no confidence in my ability to navigate my own way down the road. It made me weak, and that was a handicap that I'd eventually have to confront on my own if I was ever to find myself as an individual.

We had plenty of good times along the way. We always travelled well together. Our first weekend getaway was to San Diego. Through the years we'd take several trips up the coast: Santa Barbara, San Jose, Monterrey. We saw Yosemite Valley together, a must see in everyones' lifetime. My most fondest of memories was while we were on a trip to the Zion/Bryce area of Utah. It was October, just after the first snow fall of the season. The red rock spires of Bryce were snow capped, and incredible sight for the both of us. The drive back to St.George took us through an ice covered valley ethereally illuminated by a full moon. We must have passed hundreds of deer along the way, stopping on a few occasions to let groups of the animals cross the road. But the highlight of the trip was when we visited Zion one last time before driving back to Southern California. There was a snow flurry blowing over the plateau above dropping giant, perfectly formed snowflakes floating down to the high desert red rock canyon below. The natural beauty of Zion was in full display, the misty clouds above making the entire experience dreamlike. We stopped at a scenic viewpoint, my ex jumping out of the car and striding up to get a prolonged look at what seemed like the gates of heaven. She turned to me with a melting snowflake stuck to one of her eyelashes and with eyes as wide as an awestruck child simply said "Its beautiful!".

These were the kind of places she never would've thought about going to see on her own. Moments like these were my spiritual gift to her. I hope that she remembers them like I do.

Next up: Haywire in the Brain